spotlight

i can speak firstly of action.
doing and undoing.

i can speak secondly of role.
mother and father.

i can speak thirdly of place.
higher and lower.

i can speak finally of judgement.
fair and unfair.

  ¶ 1:07 am 0 Comments

  put it in you i thought about putting the dialtone in. then i was caught up in all the cross referencing. all the benign censorship and plot spoilers. but he dropped round later today. pulled a face that was happy to see him but not to let him know that i called. and then it all became clear. i was away in another room when it rang and i have not yet been made away of the ringing. now over. so i moved on. he waddled out the door. got some soups from the kitchen. continued up the street in stern and unappreciative way to his condition. some things are never as strong as denial. i just hope he is stronger. oh i have seen worse off. but healthier men have died.

paused for a moment on the crack of some young old thing staring out into the street from the doorway. in and out of the cold, in and out of the club. four in the stark grey sunday afternoon. no better time to swallow yourself up in bit of dance in a bit of mindless culture. pill perversion. eyes wide and bleary, pupils tight as an asshole, and assholes loose as lips. no friends no enemies inside. all outside. in here just potential. potential to fuck and get fucked.

she smiled and waved. he smiled and waved. across the road. she frowned a little. skimmied and turned away, disappeared back down the stairs. got a bit too much light. used to be an s and m thing down there. whips and chains, and torture racks are there. owned by bikies. you think, you try and tell me. maybe i'll put it in a story, but you gotta give me something to believe in first. but those bikies, i have heard, do own that rabbit up round the corner. all so plush and cushy up there. charge through the nose for a drink. very sophisticated. very suave. talk about the size of my shoe, and where the best cup of soy chai latte can be found. no no, i drink coffee, can't stand the tea. just need a cup to go in the morning. can't start enjoying it until the afternoon. a lunch latte later. unless its a weekend, but then it an early morning jog and coffee, or one of those sleep ins. then you got to have the clear crisp smell linger over eggs and bacon. there is a nice little place over on bayswater in the cross. you know i think that's next door to the one where that guy got shot. just sitting there. people all around. and you know i've been told the guy who shot him, he just bowed afterwards and hurried away. well you would wouldn't you. what bow. no, hurry.

Labels: before sleep

  ¶ 12:49 am 0 Comments

  Heat Sinks are like great ways to keep electronics cools. pull your pair of heat sinks out of your computer or refrigerator now and do other great stuff with them. like making really cold baths (or really hot ones, but that's a little more tricky). thermo-dynamics really get my jollies in a great formula for sustained goodness or such.

so go out into the world, freeze as many cockroaches as you can and watch them reanimate as they slowly thaw out.  ¶ 2:24 am 0 Comments

  think about suspense i find it really hard to relate to you nowadays. maybe it's just my memory of how it was. perhaps there is some truth to the polishing of the past. but it all i know is now, and even then only sometimes. those flashes will not, cannot sustain me. i say it like its some sort of necessity, but i know in advance i will take some advantage and with calousness i won't think twice. it's hard to think of myself as a bastard. but i can try anyway. my conversation is tripping away. the words are in a state of ambivalence, which is nice for all its cleverness, but difficult to work with. the dialectic, you me the world, is not how i want it to be. to be frank for one moment is just not in me. to be frank is not in anyone. frank you are a cheapskate, alcoholic, good for nothing liar. i wanted to tell you that nothing really matters, but then i realised freddy was playing in the background and it just didn't seem to be in ernest any more. caught myself out being to clever and fell asleep on the floor. remind me some time to tell you about hoover damn. how i used to shack up with sam. how the stitching would fall loose with just a couple of softly spoken words. like i want to hurt you. like leftover butter staining the microwave platter, an edge, a whisper from melting all over again. and again.  ¶ 2:10 am 0 Comments

  Human Piano Instrument Concept   ¶ 2:33 pm 0 Comments

    ¶ 1:33 am 0 Comments

  so i made a threat of removing the heat sinks. well at least their covers. at this the intelligence predicted a possibility of of early demise. premature perhaps. regardless. with such a prediction in mind it was to cause the cessation of prohibited activities, but financially viable activities, which inevitably led to user discomfort due to kernel panic. decisions made and action wrought the RAM was put in place and no more was seen of the inner workings. to the understated audience member standing out in the middle of the rug alone crowded alone. driving ever driving on the beat. some sweet nectar drips from here neck. and all the hornets in the room swarm the flowing juices and lap it from the ground. if i could just swing round to them all in one night. understanding comes in no one shape. its not an image, not standing in standing there. got you on some fuller stuff. these should help you come through it. just think about that bubble rising up through you skull and outside of your head. put that over there and forget about it. not like it was ever going to worry you. not like a bit of extra plastic dripping out your letter box was ever going to change the world. but some time over christmas all the penguins got clean and lost their sickness. using parentheses is dumb. is like knowing you are trying too hard. what does a pair of parentheses sound like. put them in right here. like i am talking out the side of the mouth. knowing the side two rows are listening in fine while no one else feigns interest. put your money's worth in their folks. everyone but the left front sees a deaf man wanking to himself. why are they doing it in the ear. i suppose she will call when she has something worthwhile. of note, interesting to me. relevant. perhaps. this is it. shutup,  ¶ 1:25 am 0 Comments

  discipline

  ¶ 6:30 pm 0 Comments

  carriageworks   ¶ 6:23 pm 0 Comments

  testing...1..1...2   ¶ 6:21 pm 0 Comments

  inaugrual a big old white fellow. largely inappropriate, somewhat offensive, went down a treat. started the bridge climb. you know the one.

paul cave.

that's him. what a shame. maybe a little research goes a long way.

utter disillusionment.

first statement is an acknowledgment of the lands as a sacred indigenous site and then the guest speaker says "now for some white fella history".

everyone is sitting in designated areas of organisation.

the managing director mis-appropriates gratitude.

the whole atmosphere sickens me. in its corporate wank and esoteric behavior.

Labels: before sleep

  ¶ 3:02 am 0 Comments

  kernel panic today the mouse stopped working. the computer didn't freeze. the wacom tablet worked fine all programs - firefox, itunes (running through m-box) and entourage continued without problem. used the computer via wacom, then decided to pull the mouse out and put it back in. as soon as i pulled it out - kernel panic.

logitech mouse plugged into the USB 1.1 hub in apple keyboard.

funny no?  ¶ 3:10 pm 0 Comments

  on on unity what the fuck am i meant to say. there is on the one hand a genuine pleasant read. the boy got a kick from a girl. he went away and masturbated until his hand fell off. one the little girl spotted him again she drew away in terror at his deformity. so what we may do because we love someone may cause the person we love such unpleasantness.

yet on the other is a great leap into a fanciful unknown. synthesizing foreign and worthwhile concepts of thought. without great depth nor focus. opening not an ambiguity or playful entente, but a wall of misinterpretation and frustration. i cannot warrant a suitable reply to such agendas. do you want me to keep reading while favoring my own opinion within your own? well you will have to convince me that i am right for me to read on. or at least let me know your tone.  ¶ 2:15 am 0 Comments

  got somehing on my mind just got to get it off. stop it feeding on the signals coming in - chewing up the bandwidth. like blocking all the chi, but it's just eating. all consuming. not letting anything in and shitting on all the outgoing. always on about some sort of rhythm. like the greater sink or something. but its realy just patterns. the whole link between thought and concept, sign and signifier - reliable repeatable patterns. uniquely congruent differences and similiarities. got to mean something on the ether.

got this gut wrenching feeling of unknowing. looked into a little zine to find the meaning of transcendental. got it down in pop culture these days. well got me down and used it in everyday conversation. seemed to know it well enough. still not sure, just check the blank expressions, the paranoia. it's just an optical illusion, a simple little trick with the eyes, a raised eyebrow. it's not meaningless. it's overstretched to you. but to them, by god it gives them reason enough to walk on this earth and stand like they will always wish to stand. authorized/affirmed/true. make yourself superior for the pain in your heart, to know what they don't know and to never have what they have right now.

little parasites sucking the city. and the city consumes their shit like a whore swallows money. bucketfuls of white money, honey/mixture, goop. moisturizes the lips and hair. softens up the soul for something a little more bleak. but don't worry honey, the city will suck the shit right out of there. leave you intestines swimming there behind you. in a sea of vomit. corn and cob, carrot and broccoli. burp and shudder at the memory.  ¶ 1:50 am 0 Comments

  kernel freak caused by bad RAM - G5 PPC 2.0 Dual panic(cpu 0 caller 0x006BAB54): AppleDART::mapAddr(0x02372004) not mapped for I/O

Latest stack backtrace for cpu 0:
Backtrace:
0x000952D8 0x000957F0 0x00026898 0x006BAB54 0x002D52FC 0x00474C48 0x0046EFA8 0x0046EAAC
0x002D3844 0x002E771C 0x0052AD20 0x002E2E90 0x000ADA30 0x000ABF48
Kernel loadable modules in backtrace (with dependencies):
com.apple.driver.AppleMPIC(1.5.2)@0x529000
dependency: com.apple.iokit.IOPCIFamily(1.7)@0x460000
com.apple.driver.AppleUSBOHCI(2.5.5)@0x46a000
dependency: com.apple.iokit.IOUSBFamily(2.5.9)@0x43f000
dependency: com.apple.iokit.IOPCIFamily(1.7)@0x460000
com.apple.driver.AppleMacRiscPCI(3.2.0)@0x6b4000
dependency: com.apple.iokit.IOPCIFamily(1.7)@0x460000
Proceeding back via exception chain:
Exception state (sv=0x5BC7BA00)
PC=0x000AF33C; MSR=0x00009000; DAR=0x06362000; DSISR=0x42000000; LR=0x00033F10; R1=0x2C513E30; XCP=0x00000014 (0x500 - Ext int)
Backtrace:
0x00033EB8 0x000A9514
Exception state (sv=0x00B3E000)
PC=0x00000000; MSR=0x0000D030; DAR=0x00000000; DSISR=0x00000000; LR=0x00000000; R1=0x00000000; XCP=0x00000000 (Unknown)

Kernel version:
Darwin Kernel Version 8.9.0: Thu Feb 22 20:54:07 PST 2007; root:xnu-792.17.14~1/RELEASE_PPC
Model: PowerMac7,2, BootROM 5.1.4f0, 2 processors, PowerPC 970 (2.2), 2 GHz, 2 GB
Graphics: ATI Radeon 9600 Pro, ATY,RV350, AGP, 64 MB
Memory Module: DIMM0/J11, 512 MB, DDR SDRAM, PC3200U-30330
Memory Module: DIMM1/J12, 512 MB, DDR SDRAM, PC3200U-30330
Memory Module: DIMM2/J13, 512 MB, DDR SDRAM, PC3200U-30330
Memory Module: DIMM3/J14, 512 MB, DDR SDRAM, PC3200U-30330
Modem: MicroDash, Australia, V.92, 7.0, APPLE VERSION 2.6.6
Network Service: Built-in Ethernet, Ethernet, en0
Serial ATA Device: ST3320620AS, 298.09 GB
Serial ATA Device: SAMSUNG SP2504C, 232.89 GB
Parallel ATA Device: TSSTcorpCD/DVDW SH-S182D
USB Device: Hub in Apple Pro Keyboard, Mitsumi Electric, Up to 12 Mb/sec, 500 mA
USB Device: USB-PS/2 Optical Mouse, Logitech, Up to 1.5 Mb/sec, 100 mA
USB Device: Apple Pro Keyboard, Mitsumi Electric, Up to 12 Mb/sec, 250 mA
USB Device: Mbox USB Audio Device copyright Digidesign 2001, Digidesign Inc, Up to 12 Mb/sec, 500 mA  ¶ 1:20 am 0 Comments

  got to turn that down. get it out of the foreground. shift the space, shape the sound. carve out a place and sculpt the environment. just to clear a little to think. room enough. and opening for dialogue and perhaps a little movement. some sideways shifting. up and down, without diminishing the backflip. inspired by some trailor park trash humour online. now they all got computers just you see what they are doing. puts a whole new sharp edge onto the term abuse. in the abuse of power sense. powerful sense. powerfully non descript and unconcerned with whatever is going on outside of it. some sort of esoteric joke. just closing that target market in a little too close to home. without the ability to remember what you have written the whole purpose for writing for one's self has changed its importance. shift a little, paradigmatically, to the left. like a short stumpy black sausage pumped out of rear end of some chocolate factory. you know it's got to be high in cocoas cause it's just so black.

well i guess i hadn't really read anything like it before. but i had heard the voice. and it was grating. and it was sad. and it was like i had heard everything else before, nothing could ever come after. so in all a little pretentious. but then if i were god wouldn't i be too?

that's what i would have said in all honesty that's what i am saying. but you wouldn't take it on board with any of the gravity that i think it deserves. because it is my opinion. but then we have a number, probably three problems with this. firstly my opinion is of no regard. well at least of no high regard. secondly, and then even despite the aforementioned problem that we label the first, that is to say even if my opion were held in high regard, the interpretation of my opinion would not accurately represent the meaning transposed within. thus perhaps not being at all helpful as to direct into the direction that i may wish to take it. this is not so much a defect of the interpretor but rather the failure on my part to properly reconcile concept with vocabulary. it's poor. it is poor. which thereby leads me upon the third obstacle that encroaches upon my opinion ever getting heard in its full and proper capacity. the very vehicle of communication is intrinsically undermined by my self in an attempt to obtain power. to confuse and surprise thy other world is to shake it by its foundations, in hopes that it may topple, if not forever than for a moment.

Labels: before sleep

  ¶ 1:02 am 0 Comments

  just got in this morning. fought about the fag in the doorway. got your breath in the way, brushed it aside and it just keeps coming back. don't know what to say. some little blond wagged her tail and wrapped it round the stairs. got all those knickers in a not and none of them came undone. crossed her legs and shunned her face. couldn't get over the lack of words. overburden of sign. get up, got up, rolled over and got another drink. met a slight green man in the hallway. making light conversation about the polyester and the similarity between gameshows and hair colour. yet i have been told that woman do not colour their hair. it's called tinting. or lifting. i wish i could get more lifting done. it would make me feel less of a lesbian and more of knowledgible young person, graduate of course. i want to seem to care, and be green. but not a lesbian. wanna join the cycle club and ride with strangers taking over the city. feel good about vegetables. feel good about sex. test the waters and take a dip. fell into an organ and had to soak my shirt. took two days.

sometime later i fell drunkenly down a bunch of patio stairs. damaged the ovaries. blood spilling over. now i can only bare light kisses.

Labels: before sleep

  ¶ 4:01 am 0 Comments

  well i crawled out of bed to start this. and it's cold. so i have started. a blurb a line, a thought. a gimmick. a prayer.

my sleeping ritual.

good night.

please turn off your computer when you are done.  ¶ 12:04 am 0 Comments