I believe one should only blog when one has something to say, or has something they consider worthwhile recording, i am forcing myself to type something here because it will be sometime before a computer is made available for my personal use in which time a worthwhile blog may be produced. Nevertheless i will deem this to be worthwhile for the sake of the practice of blogging being slightly carthatic at this present time and moment.
My head is filled with bizarre things, and i am trying ever so hard to relax and push it all underneath the carpet so i can go about my life as closely as i would like to go about it as humanly possible. Having said that, today the sun finally came out in all its glory - so off i went to shoot nine holes with the old man. Needless to say we both played poorly. It was not so much out technical style but our ability to manage the course and safely dictate the correct passage for our balls. Nevertheless great enjoyment was gained, and i look forward to another nine tomorrow, weather permitting. Up until now i have been pottering around home, fixing things, tidying up, helping around the house, and in the odd hours relaxing with a book and tunes. However one needs to keep the mind occupied when thoughts go running through it. Another couple of weeks away from the city, away from people, and confronted with a different set of circumstances, and my mind should throw everything back into perspective and i shall give myself some clue as to what to do with the next 12 to 18 months of my life. In a rough guided sort of fashion. Goals and aims are always helpful to keep a person on a track; not security but sanity.
As of yet i dont know what i really want to say. The words lie within in me, but i am so frustrated. I just feel as though i want to hurt everyone around me; i know how. I have an inkling, an intuition if you will, of what will occur in the future, and i dont care for it much at all. I am a fish all too knowledgible of the fate that surrounds it, and i struggle and flounder for as long as my strength endures. Give me a few more weeks. Maybe then i will have answers...
maybe then i will care.