there have been so many turns and twists in my life the other door right open i thought when it was in fact slammed shut that i ought to have taken it there and then in the moment when the opportunity had presented itself and even those that i slowly wasted over time because i did not realise that they had a time limit that they had to progress i needed to grow up and take some kind of moral and social responsibility to let the ego down a little and get on with the partnership with the family thing with the relationship stop calling it a relation and use the term and meet people half way and stop with all the obstruction and then some an have i learnt anything yet am i not still playing the disaster but in my head now and in this very moment wasting away each and every day where we could be growing together and i instead i am shooting it dead in the foot a slow sepsis settling in but a terminal case just a long list of nothing going nowhere accidents of convenience and now trapped by ones own desire for what wetlands and a hill a vineyard in a desert
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