love is a cover
it could have been anyone. the neighbour on the other side. a door or two down. for fuck's sake it could have been your flatmate. needless to say she wrote him off with you on the couch but don't think for a moment that that is what they are not doing right now. why shouldn't they? put on the self puty. let the contempt fall where it may. apologize profusely and hate yourself in the morning. find a pill. fill the bath tub. tie a rope and cut yourself. drink stupid and act like nothing could ever be the matter. the situation is only difficult in your head. you are trying to make the best of it but in the end it is only some sort of retribution that you are paying. refer to yourself in the third person. don;t let go, cause that just might be good for your self esteem and you just want to be nothing at the moment. you think you will always fail and it is a good it not satisfactory backup to have a few names, a couple of significant others to call back on to put all the blame. placeholders. freeholders. freeloaders and couch surfers. i can see the convenience. i can see your desire. lay the groundwork now. loet him know, let him in. men can be desperate. pick at them. work at them. fuck them and they will always come back. just be careful they don't become too attached. milk them for what they are worth to your adantage. how can this disadvantage me. forget about love. love is a cover.